Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize