Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
