Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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