I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
