Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
