So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
