So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
