the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
