My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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