life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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