Got a toothbrush?
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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