tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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