Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
