New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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