he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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