need another drink. this is the easiest way
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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