they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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