Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
