I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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