I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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