I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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