i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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