the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
