enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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