you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
