I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
