Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize