you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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