i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
