It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My ass is underappreciated
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
