You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
