the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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