i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
