What did we do last night that was yellow?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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