i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
