Don't make out with my wife yet
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
