Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
whose parrot is this?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
