I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
