just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
