I'm eating all of the evidence.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
