Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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