i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
