Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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