Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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