I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
