nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
