i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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