i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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