I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
