You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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