when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
