ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
