I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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