That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
try to milk me bitch
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
