I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
