you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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