who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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