tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
