I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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