Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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