You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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