imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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