I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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