It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Success! We fucked roommates!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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