I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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