Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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