I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
