i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
