So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
