I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
