hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
