After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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