There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
