So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
