he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
