Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
