He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
